Ten laws of Atheism

1. Thou shalt accept no meaning in life.

  • Thou and Gaia are sure to get on. She’s a great gal.
  • Thou couldest place crystals around thine room. They are sure to cure thy measles.
  • Thou couldest seek meaning in the existential nature of life. The changeable nature of life. Thou gettest to change thine beliefs whenever thou likes.
  • Thou were surely born by chance, and thou shalt surely die by chance.

2. Thou shalt have enough faith to claim a universal non-existence

  • Thou art limited as a human in knowledge, and can only claim to understand a little of what there is to know.
  • Thou has not been far in the Universe at all, indeed most likely not west of Iowa.
  • Thou wilt only live for a brief few years, therefore thou missed out on a lot of history including the Babes 1932 season.
  • Thou art restricted to the dimension of time in thy thinking. Thou knowest this.
  • Yet despite this lack of knowledge in time and space, thou must be strong in thy belief of a universal non existence of God.

3. Thou must be a brave soul because thou wilt turn back to dust.

  • Even though thou innermost soul doth yearn for some kind of immortality, even though thou rebels in thyself against the negation of human life by death, yet thou must steel thyself that it all ends in the grave.
  • And if thou liketh, why not take thine own life now? Thou couldst join celebrity suicides like Camus and Hemingway.

4. Thou art willing to invent thine own morality.

  • Thou knowest that morality is invented by preachers and politicians to control the masses. Thou art wise enough to discern this.
  • Living together with thy fellow man is, after all, merely a social contract.
  • Therefore thou can do what thou jolly well pleaseth, if thou can get away with it. Why should thy freedom of decision be affected by another’s selfish nature?
  • Or thou couldst accept the laws developed by the Judeo Christian ethics which are still relatively prevalent today, even though they were entirely constructed out of the lie of the existence of a God.

5. Thou knowest all religions are the same. They differ only in terms of..

  1. Creation
  2. Life
  3. Death
  4. Salvation
  5. Morals
  6. Afterlife
  7. The law
  8. .. and other such non essentials

6. Thou must formulate arguments why Christian institutions develop many more hospitals, relief agencies and agricultural works, than atheists do in poor nations. Hint: undoubtedly they are conned into it because they are working for their afterlife.

  • Thou also wondereth who will take their place when they all see how they have been misled, and all leave Bangladesh or India or The Philippines etc.
  • But that is tomorrows problem is it not?

7. Thou shouldst have reasoned and clever arguments why the biggest tests of organised atheism, in Russia and China in the 20th century, caused the largest tolls of human life ever. Indeed, thou must attempt to prove it was the role of religion which actually caused such devastation.

8. Thou has to put up with the fact that this life we live here, the only life there is for us, is not even that much fun. It can be nasty, brutish and short.

  • And if it is nasty, brutish and short, behold, is that not the fault of religions?
  • And if it is not nasty, brutish and short, is that not the triumph of man’s endeavours?
  • Therefore when there is a catastrophe, it is only evidence of how mean God is. God will be allowed to exist for these short periods of time to accept the blame.

9. Thou must learn sayings like… ‘I am the captain of my fate’, because they sound good at cocktail parties.

10. Thou wilt wonder at times whether one exists oneself. When these thoughts strike, turn your mind to the NBA results.